I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
