Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He felt like a one man threesome
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
