I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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