ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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