What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize