we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
