my phone needs a breathalizer
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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