she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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