Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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