Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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