Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
