If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I did not marry a roomba.
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