I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
