he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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