Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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