Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize