i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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