On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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