i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
