Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
