They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
