I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize