At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
