He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
