did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There are leaves in my underwear?
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