i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
