I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
