I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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