i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
