I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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