Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
