dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
