Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
