Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
