If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
