I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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