i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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