I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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