i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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