all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize