You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
