I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
