I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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