It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
