I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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