So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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