Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
