I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
