so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
