I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
