We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
