she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
