FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
