would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
