THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
