the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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