Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
