you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
