The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize