mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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