Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
