I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You need a sexual gate keeper
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
