im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
