I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
