So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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