i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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