Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
