When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
