so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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