Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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