Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
