How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
