He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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