WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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