I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
3 2 1 whiskey
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
