just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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