how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
